Category Archives: Failed OKcupid Messages

Sometimes I get drunk and write long, poetic messages to women I find on OKcupid. It is not going particularly well as far as dating is concerned, but the attempts have been fun to write and funny to read, except for the women that get them I suppose… Enjoy!

Sometimes [Blank] is the Appropriate Response…

I have been known to be a raptor in my time, they say that my musings on the meaning of life, the nature of truth and the problem of existence are what spawned the raptor philosopher meme. In the name … Continue reading

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I don’t think she’s actually Haruko… This is getting old…

Umm, could you be more awesome? Hello, fellow poet nerd here. Wondering if you’ve ever played Battlestar Galactica the board game. “Helluva” good time as they say. OKcupid claims that we are 22% enemies but I think I’m a rather amiable fellow, … Continue reading

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Cardboard Boxes… PS: This is old.

I see that you like to hang out in cardboard boxes. One of my favorite pastimes. Don’t worry I’m not homeless- I’m merely a fan of cardboard. Cardboard this, cardboard that. One of my greatest heroes hung out in boxes. No … Continue reading

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Dearest Stage Mistress of the Black Hand

Dearest Stage Mistress of the Black Hand, I must apologize. I don’t have an admantium skeleton with razor sharp retractable claws that shoot out out my fists. For this I am sincerely sorry. I would say I’m working on it, but the … Continue reading

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I’m not Lumberjerking around here, we’re talking about Cats.

Greetings Lumberjerk, if that’s your real name. I’m writing to you because I was sincerely worried, I saw in your details that you’ve been diagnosed with cats. It gets better I can tell you that with certainty. I had cats … Continue reading

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Jazz? Jazzy Jazz?

Salutations Miz Artiste, I’d like to take you out for a night of Jazz. I’m thinking Fat Cat, Zinc or Ella Lounge depending on your availability. Something to relax to and talk pop art (I just recently fell in love … Continue reading

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Sincerely, Interest

Favorite whiskey? GO! Don’t worry, I’ll go first. I’d say it’d have to be a dead heat between Crown Royal and Knob Creek, though I do have a bottle of Woodford Reserve I am rather quickly getting to the bottom … Continue reading

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Trouble Maker Message.

What kind of trouble are you looking for? Are we talking placing buckets of water atop ajar doors for unsuspecting jerkwad authority figures or tossing Molotov cocktails during at cop cars during the next big riot? I’ve roused a few rabbles in … Continue reading

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